I won't miss you, 2011... I'm finally ready 2012

Wow.

That's how I can say 2011 went. I was hit with pain, agony and loss within the first week and things just just coming at me up until the end. I can say that this was was one of the worst and kind of in a way, the best, year that I have ever had. It was filled with so much emotions. This year, one of my dearest friends were taken away from me. One of my best friends. Yes I hadn't spoken to him in a long time, but the last time we spoke, it was great. I was so happy to hear from him because he was that one friend that always made you feel special even though you hadn't spoken in a while. I was really hurt by this loss because he was special. He was my sweetheart. He was a real friend. And you know what, I used to doubt what he thought, but in the end, I know, that he knew that our friendship was valued. (memories :) )

I also had to leave school. Something that I thought would never happen to me in a million years. It left me confused and hurt and questioning God's purpose for me. But again I saw who my true friends were and I realized that God placed special people in my lives. Without them, I don't think that I would have made it. I also got to see the true colors of certain people this year, good and bad. I also learned to appreciate friends and family a lot more.
I am also beginning to see what I want a little more in life and I feel like God maybe did this for me for a reason. For clarity.
I cried the most this year, I was the most depressed this year, and I felt hurt the most this year. I was also really bitter and mad at God. Because I don't understand why he let certain things happen, but I know that he has his reasons , so I'm not angry, but more sad. This year ht me with so much emotions. I lost a friend, but I also gained a loved one. Courtney. I love her. I'm so glad that this year is over. I'm so glad that 2012 is here. I'm so glad that I'm one year closer to eternal life. It's a struggle, but I'm working on it.
Towards the end of this month, since my birthday, and especially since his birthday, I have been so angry, bitter and sad. I don't know why, but I am not happy. I don't know why but it's going to change. God didn't put me here for no reason. So I'm going to live life to the fullest. I'm not going to make any resolutions, but I'm going to ask God to lead me and guide me. Make me a new person. That's all I want. I just want to make it in the end.

So to 2011: Goodbye, farewell. You've done enough damage to my heart. I want to live life the way God wants me to and I'm actually ready to take on what life has to offer. I'm done.

I'm ready 2012.

Invisible

Sometimes I feel invisible. Sometimes I feel like no one really cares. Sometimes I feel like I'm not interesting so no one really wants to be near me. I don't like attention and neither am I crying out for it, but I can't help but feel this way. Sad thing is that, I've always felt like this ever since I was  very young, I can actually say by memory since 2 or 3. Left out, and last for everything. I guess my dad was right. I'm last for everything and will always be the last.